smile for me. (:

i cried it all out today, blog. -_-

well i THINK i did. @_@ i hope i did.

but i tried not to. i tried not to cry. remember i told you, blog? it makes me feel weak when i cry. a weakling. a girly-girl. crybaby. -_-

it was at church. the revival meeting. my father was praying for me. i remember biting my lip. squeezing my eyes shut. but Something. Someone. the Holy Spirit. God. touched me. inside. and i couldn't hold it. they just came. the tears. it came. and contrary to what jams said about me always saying i almost cried, i just cried. i cried, blog. @_@

and the thing was that i couldn't help it, blog. *_* i couldn't.

it was strange. because i didn't feel like i was the one crying. it was like someone else was crying. someone sobbing from deep within. somewhere.

i think it was my heart. she was crying. she howled. she hurt. she was bitter. she's very vulnerable.

i couldn't hold it in. i just had to let it out, blog. and my heart kept hurting really bad. @_@ it felt so heavy. and i tried to cry it all out at once. and it took awhile.

i am not proud to say that i cried for nearly two hours. -_-

but i don't remember feeling embarrassed about crying.

-_- i knoe crying isn't bad. it's an emotion. an expression. everyone's allowed to cry. everyone could cry. everyone should cry. it's good for them. :) but yes, blog. everyone can cry. no one's supposed to feel embarrassed about crying.

but I DO, blog. *shriek* i don't even knoe why. @_@

i remember that the john mclenan man or my father said: if anyone wants prayer or to experience God then come up.

and a whole load of people rushed up there. including reube, wilso and brian. but that was because i prodded them to go up. :) and wilbur went up later.

there were a lot of people screaming, wailing, crying, yelling, flapping their arms, shaking their hands continuously, jumping, and a lot of other "weird" stuff.

but i've seen this stuff practically my whole life, blog. so i guess it doesn't seem weird. but even if it IS weird, this stuff is real. like they say, God works in mysterious ways. the Holy Spirit is real. Jesus is real. God's real. He touches people. He changes lives.

and people were getting touched by God. all from different circumstances. some people led broken lives, blog. some people just felt hopeless, lost, hurt, unsatisfied, or they've never been touched before. or some people even had the "perfect" life. were happy. but God still touched them. touching all of them in different ways.

i went to go pray for people. and right when i was going to pray for mimi, my father came up to me and said: can i pray for you?

i said: no. i'm going to pray for mimi now.
but he insisted: no. i want to pray for you right now.

so my father was praying for me. and i remember fidgeting. because i've never flapped my arms and did all those stuff before. i just saw it.

so i didn't think anything was going to happen until God touched me. and i started bawling my eyes out.

i was wearing chrisl's jacket because he was wearing my sweater, blog. and i was chewing gum. winterfresh. and i guess when i was howling, the gum fell out of my mouth and landed on his thirty-dollar red abercrombie and fitch jacket sleeve.

and by the time i realized i got his jacket dirty, it was an hour later. and i couldn't get the gum off, blog. because it was stuck. @_@

and i got it on the other sleeve too, blog. it was a pure ACCIDENT.

in addition, i wiped all my snot and tears on it too. without thinking, that is. -_-

and chrisl was grossed out. and disgusted. and so i had to bring it home to wash. and i have to bring it back to him tomorroe.

sorrie chrisl. @_@

happy to say, reube is back to normal. he's not "bummed out" anymore. (: yees. i can go to him for stress relief anytime now.

i accidentally called brian alex. blog. -_- i kept saying: alex..ALEX!

and reube tells me that it's brian. ER:OIJSAD. i was able to tell them apart when i first met them and before today. maybe brian looked like alex today.

timmy called me today during worship practice to ask: guess who i'm eating with? bet you can't guess.

but i did, blog. :) he was eating lunch with andy huang. andy huang. one of the nicest boys i've ever met. he used to be my best friend too, blog. the boy i haven't seen for three years. but he told timmy the last time he saw me was at costco. and i supposedly have the BEST memory but i really don't remember seeing him at costco. i recall seeing andrew cheng but not andy huang. @_@ oh well. maybe andy was dreaming. or maybe not. -_-

stephen bought me and the worship team boba today. but i couldn't finish so i gave it to timmy but he left it on the stairs when we were racing. and he won when he wasn't supposed to. -_-

and so i asked my mother to hold the boba for me because i wanted to save it for christina but she and my father drank it all. -_- but thanks stephen. :)

wilso let me wear his koolio gray watch, blog. (: i like it. and i forgot to give it back to him because he left before i finished crying. @_@ i hope he doesn't get angry.

or that he'll forget about it so i can keep it FOREVER. or maybe when he asks for it tomorroe at church, i'll just pretend i don't knoe what he's talking about.

just kidding. that would be so UNkoolio. and wilso would be sad. -_-

*shriek* i can't believe i even thought about stealing his watch.

i promise i'll give back his watch tomorroe, blog. *pinkie promise*